Past half-way

Well, I'm past the half way mark! S..l..o..w but steady.

I am very grateful for the lap band; I know I would have gained at least 5-10 kilos without it. However, my loss has been slow for several reasons:

I do not follow all the rules. For example, there should be no eating between meals at all. And no drinking with meals. And my exercising is erratic.And I cannot be trusted with chocolate. At all.

Still, each month after visiting the doctor, I feel remotivated. Lately, I am losing about 2 kilos a month, which is what they like to see. So, I will just press on and really tru to avoid temptations, or at least choose them wisely. If I am going to have something high-calorie, I need to choose well and thoroughly enjoy it, not hide furtively shoving something in my mouth while hoping no one sees me.

I really want to lose all my weight by my one year anniversary.

So, here's my goal list:

10 Aug (birthday) 79 kilos
15 Oct 71.5 BMI of 25

Shit. This doesn't look possible. Well, I will try. It gives me new impetus to exercise!!!

inspiring!!!!

A little reward

When I reached double digits, I bought myself a Pandora bracelet. It has been sitting in my drawer ever since because I needed to earn my first charm, which I did today. (Every 5 kilos earns me a charm).

It looks a little lonely all by itself but soon I will add to it! I decided that I can also earn a for 30 days of consecutive exercise (30 min/day). I hope that a little bribery can go a long way!

Small, sustainable changes

My newest approach is 'small and sustainable' changes. I want to set a small and achievable goal each week. I might keep the goal for longer than that if needed, but the idea is to make it something that I can get a grip on in one week's time.

My goal this week is to measure out my portions when possible. My portion size is supposed to be about 1/2 a cup. But I am greedy and I try to convince myself that what I put on my plate is about that much, when in fact it's probably twice that. I don't want to be measuring and weighing my food forever, but right now my brain needs some retraining.

So far, I've been doing it for 2 days and it is helping. I put my food on a smaller plate and sometimes I don't finish it. The clinic says to then throw it away, but that goes against the fibre of my being. So I just put it in the fridge in a small container. But it's hard. My body has had enough, but my head still wants more.

I hopped on the scales today to find that I am down 13.7 kilos all up. My Christmas indulgences haven't shown up yet! Still, it's encouraging. I can do this!!!!!

Before photos

Ugh. Taken at the start of Optifast.

OK, back to blogging

I think that developing the regular habit of writing here will help me to adjust to my new lifestyle better, so perhaps getting on here more often will be one of my New Year's resolutions (not that I have ever been very good at keeping them). I need to think through things, process events and emotions and the way I respond to them and to food.

The scales are slowly moving in the right direction, although sometimes I am not helping myself very much. I have many years of habits to undo.

Christmas was not bad on the food front. I ate less that I would normally have eaten, that is for sure. But I ate more than I should have. I am still defeating myself with comfort food, most of which fits through the band without any problem. grrr...

I now have more restriction than before, and I think that one more adjustment to my fill should put me in a good space. I want to be able to eat small amounts of a variety of good, fresh, normal healthy food. And I want to be able to have a little treat without guilt.

Because this is a lifestyle, not a diet.

Back to basics

Well, I have had my ups and downs. On the upside, the losses are slowly showing on the scales and in other, non-scale ways. I am more confident. My face is starting to look 'normal' again, not all puffy and bloated, which is how I felt before. Clothes fit better. I will post some photos soon.

But the loss has been slow. Before my second fill, I actually put on 700 grams. I did not feel any restriction and I ate things that were of no help to me in the long term, although they did provide that momentary comfort that I seem to look for in food, whether I am hungry or not.

But after each fall, I am dusting myself off and getting back to basics.

Things I am finding difficult are:

• not drinking with meals or afterwards
• eating s l o w l y
• avoiding comfort food-rich, soft, slidey things that defeat the band
• having only half a cup of food at a meal
• not 'grazing'

I go for another fill tomorrow, which should bring me up to 4ml in (I think)a 10 ml band. Here's to better restriction and renewed determination!